This is my favourite topic to speak about. I have spent a lot many years of my life to understand love and finally, I realised and understood all about it and it is very very very important to spread this message because it has become a reason of majority of the pain and suffering spread in the world. So one by one, with examples, let us begin why all you know about love is wrong !!

1. What hurts you is not LOVE but your own EGO !!

I have seen people crying and whining, blaming love and saying that love is the worst thing one can get trapped into but what actually happens doesn’t happen because of love. In fact, love wasn’t there in the act at all. We get hurt when someone acts against our wish, means we get hurt because of our selfishness. We get hurt when someone leaves us for someone else. Now observe here carefully!! If someone is leaving us, then it means there is someone out there who is able to keep them happier then we are able to keep them. So if they leave us, they aren’t doing ANYTHING WRONG!! It hurts us because WE FEEL BAD for getting rejected, our ego gets hurt, and we want to bring them back and call it love but it is actually the love for ourselves which is making us cry, not the love for them!! If you really loved them, you would try to understand that they either realized that they do not love us anymore and that is why are leaving, or that they found out that it was nothing else but attraction, or they have some other issue in their life which they give more priority to and so, they don’t want to give us attention or any other reason. If they are happy by getting separated, then your love for them should support their happiness and not call them a cheater and blame love instead !! Tell me if I am wrong?

2. Love can not hate, love can only love ??

After separation, I see people cursing, abusing and hating their ex-partners. And what’s even funnier is that they say their love WAS true and their partner’s wasn’t. First of all, love can never stay in the past and then vanish in the future, because love never dies !! Love is the only permanent thing of this universe and if you ever realize that yours was temporary, then understand that it was never love at all !! So saying that your love WAS true, doesn’t make any sense, because if it was true, you wouldn’t be abusing them today, or even keeping a hope that someday they would realize that they did wrong. Because they didn’t. We should let people live their life their way if we actually love them. Making them live like the way you feel is right, is again not love but selfishness. You cannot hate them no matter what they did. It’s not the question of whether you SHOULD or SHOULDN’T hate. It’s just that you CAN’T hate even if you try. Because where there is love, there can never be hatred.

3. If you “WANT” them, it is not love.

Now, this is very hard for people to understand. People think wanting someone and loving someone is the same thing. But let me give you an old example here. Suppose a person likes a flower, sees it, wants it, plucks it and keep it with him until it rots, then throw it away and still says that he love flowers. Does he? Well if he did love it, he would let it stay alive. That is what you guys do when you WANT someone! See, it’s totally opposite. Love and want are totally opposite!! If you excitedly eat fish and say that you love fish, why would you kill it? Similarly, if you love someone, it doesn’t matter at all, if they are with you or with someone else. Love would only want their happiness, NOT THEM.

4. If you expect anything from them, well obviously you know love is unconditional!!!

We sometimes do things and stuff for our partners and start expecting that they would also do the same and it irritates us when our expectations don’t get fulfilled. It’s very obvious that expectations are selfish, and love is not. If you do something for someone with expecting nothing in return is surely love. Now people say these are bookish things, these don’t happen in the real world, no one can do that, it’s impractical, bla bla bla. It’s so hard for people to accept unconditional love because we love someone only and only, to receive love back in return. And with this statement, here comes our next point that love is not a deal !!

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ना जाने लोग खुद की चाहतों को,
दुसरो से प्यार करने का नाम कैसे दे देते हैं |


English translation of the quote:-

“It’s so illogical how people name their own WANTS as love for the other.”

5. Love isn’t an agreement.

Obviously, if love was a deal, then we would not be alive today. Why? Because nature loves us unconditionally. It gives us food, water, air, land and so much more and does not even knocks our door afterwards, to return back the favour. Obviously, it is our duty to return back by taking care of nature, not messing and not fouling our surroundings but even if we do so, nature doesn’t abuse us, cry around or hate us. It keeps on giving us whatever it can. Can you do the same ever? Can you only give and not expect anything? No, you can not, because love in our world means feeding our desires. If love was fulling our own wishes, then what are dreams, aims and self-actualization for? Obviously, it proves that love is something else and definitely not an agreement.

6. Love is not a sacrifice either.

If love is different from fulfilling our wishes, then it also doesn’t mean that love is a sacrifice. Yes, love means to give, to provide and not expect back but don’t confuse it with sacrifice now because if you feel like doing a sacrifice then you aren’t in love because if you were, it wouldn’t feel like a sacrifice. If, whatever you read in this article or you are going to read further, will sound tough and hard to do, then understand that IT ONLY SEEMS to be so difficult but is actually not. When you do anything out of love, you won’t feel it a burden or a favour. Like when I give food to animals out of love, I feel happy to see them eat. I don’t feel that I have to spend a part of my money for these birds and feel sad about it. Neither do I want them to do something for me in return. I don’t want them to stay with me, or protect me, or behave as per my expectations. Similarly, when you will do anything for anyone out of love, you won’t feel that you did a sacrifice. You could give to them, as much as you can and won’t expect anything. This is what true love is !!

7. There is a huge difference between love and attachment !!

This is a major issue I would like to raise questions upon. If attachment is something that WE can’t live without or something that we are attached to just because of our own joy, pleasure or any other emotion that we obtain because of getting attached to something or someone, then obviously, attachment revolves all around us, and not around the person or thing we are attached to. It’s the same as fulfilling our desires, isn’t it? Because we get attached only to those things which somewhat fulfil our emotional needs. Love, on the other hand, has nothing to do with OUR needs but the needs and happiness of others. So either there would exist attachment OR love. Both can not exist together. If you are attached to someone, you are not in love, and if you are in love, you wouldn’t be attached to them. To clear it more, let’s take this example. Assume the situation of a car accident, where the kid gets hurt and her mother is very attached to him. Instead of taking the necessary steps of covering the wounds, calling the ambulance, rushing to the hospital, she will get fuddled and muddled up, confused and crying and trying to understand what actually happened. Love, on the other hand, doesn’t make you attached, and so she could prevent herself from losing her senses and save her kid instead which would never happen if she instead remains attached to him.

8. You can love, without asking them to agree for a relationship.

I am sure every one of us must have faced people who say that they love us and then wish us to come in a relationship with them. As if, there are some rules written that the 1st step is loving someone, then the next step is to work head to toe until the other person agrees to come in a relationship with you. Why is it so important to make them agree to love you back? You love them, okay, that’s good to hear but now why should the other person come in a relationship with you? Keep loving them if you do. Where does the logic of getting loved back or coming in a relationship comes from if you love someone? I just don’t understand the logic behind it. If you do, I would love to read it in the comments below. Don’t say now that you want them to come to you so that you can keep them happy. Please !!! It’s so obvious that you want them for yourself and not for them.

9. All you know about love is wrong:-

Meaning of love is manipulated by the people and especially the media. We were first informed about love only through televisions and songs, and we believed whatever we saw there. It seemed so attractive and satisfying because what media showed us was a way to satisfy our own selves by receiving love. We were all kids then and believed whatever we saw. But now, when we CAN use our senses, we should think whether whatever was told to us was actually correct or not? You need to unlearn EVERYTHING that you know about love and start questioning all the thoughts you hold about being cheated, loyalty, trust, loving someone or receiving love and everything else that is related to love. You will realize that everything you know about love until now was not even 5% true of what real love actually is !!!

10. Love does not change if actions do.

This doesn’t mean that you will shut your mouth and bear all the abuse and wrongdoings of your loved ones. What it means is that whatever they do, it can not change that blessed feeling of love from your heart. Their actions of shouting at you, fighting with you or even beating you, need to be resolved and should be opposed because we should love ourselves the most first of all and shouldn’t bear anyone’s ill-treatment. If someone is harming you, you should speak up, to stop them from doing so. One should resolve the actions which are creating issues between two people loving each other. That’s a different case and loving them instead of their changing actions is a different case. For eg, when things got tough between me and my boyfriend, when I could not bear his anger, his unnecessary torture and his behaviour even after a lot of conversations and discussions, I finally decided to break up with him and got separated because before loving him, it was me myself whom I loved the most. Although he improved himself afterwards and it all got sorted but when I left him and took those tough steps of separation, it did not mean that I did not love him anymore. I did, but separation can not change love into hate. So no matter what people do to you, your love for them can’t change if it truly is love. If it isn’t, you will soon start hating them for doing bad to you.

11. You love only your reflections and not the other person.

This point should not be taken lightly. You can’t disagree to me on this one ! Remember those times when your partner asked you to stop doing something, just because she doesn’t like it. It can be related to a career that you want to choose but he doesn’t like it, it can be saying the truth on his face, it can be being spontaneous sometimes and saying something bluntly, it can be anything which you don’t want to change about yourself but you are forced to change it just because your loved one does not like it. What’s worse is that it doesn’t only stay to not doing those things but extends to doing the other things which your partner LIKES instead. If you look carefully, you will understand that unknowingly, they are slowly and steadily killing the other one’s originality, individuality and uniqueness and trying them to change to become totally similar to themselves. It happens when there is one dominating person in a couple. He reshapes his partner to become just like him, and if she doesn’t, the chaos arises. It’s very clear here, that he first creates a copy of himself in the lady, and then loves himself, indirectly, because loving ourselves is considered selfish by not only him but also the society. Again, we try to love ourselves by making others like us and we get irritated if they do not behave as per our expectations. We need to understand that loving someone doesn’t require to change their habits, dreams and their originality UNTIL AND UNLESS it is harming anybody.

12. Love is so permanent, that it still exists even if people do not agree with each other.

A fight of opinions is very common among humans. No two people can think alike completely. Even if they do a little, there are still some points that they might not concur at some point in their lives. So does it mean no one can love each other ever? Of course not. Love doesn’t change if people disagree with each other. Again, I would like to conclude here that I am not saying that they should live together and no arguments or fights will ever take place. Arguments will happen, and so will the fight! People may also have to decide to stay away from each other as well !! But, it doesn’t mean that LOVE will fade. Real love is permanent no matter people live together or not.

13. You can love only after you defeat the ego inside you.

Yes, there is no other way to find love inside yourself. Real love is there inside us all. But it is buried deep down by our ego. You don’t need to learn how to love because it is already inside you because you were made of love <3. You need to remove the layers of ego to find love inside you and trust me, fighting your ego is tougher than fighting any other enemy. Until now, your ego was loving itself through you and through others which you misinterpret as YOU loving others. Kill this ego and love will shower upon you.

14. Learn to love from animals.

To understand love, what only can help you is nature. As I explained above, that nature keeps on giving us the resources no matter if we give anything back to it. And it gives unlimited. The resources provided to us are unlimited, the only issue is that we are an expert in wasting no matter how much we get. To understand what love is, don’t look at your parents, they also expect you to do so much for them in their old age, and sometimes that is the only reason people marry. Funny, isn’t it? Only very few parents love their kids in reality. Look at animals and birds instead. They keep on giving birth and take care of their babies when they know, that they won’t get anything from them in return, when they purposely teach them to fly so that they can live their life, not so that they can be a support to them when their time of dotage arrives.

15. You can love even those people who hate you.

Seems impossible. Doesn’t it? Well, love is nothing about what other people speak, do or even think. If they think bad about us, they can still be loved, because love is inside us, and not in outer things. If other people hate you and it changes your feelings as well, then obviously it is the ego trying to protect itself because love can’t hate anyone.

16. Addiction to someone is not love.

We can be addicted to smoking, sleeping, drinking, gaming and whatnot. But do we get addicted to anything because we love those? Or because we like the enjoyment WE receive because of it? You got my point now 🙂 You are getting intelligent. Same happens when we get addicted to a person instead. Don’t call it love because it is what you are doing for yourself, not for the person you got addicted to.

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हमसे प्यार होता तो कोई बात होती,
आदत तो लोगों को शराब कि भी होती है |


English translation of the above quote:-

I would appreciate if you actually LOVED me, else addiction can happen for liquor as well.

17. The ultimate solution to truly find true love:-

Love when rushes in, it rushes unlimited. Love when comes, it comes permanent. Once the sleeping love inside you awakens, you will start to love everyone but the first step which is the most important one is that we first need to love ourselves and what’s even more important is that we need to accept it. You need to accept that yes, you love yourselves the most AND there is no shame in accepting this fact. Because we consider it selfishness, we try to hide it and this gives a chance to our ego to become even more dominant. Being selfish is not wrong, being selfish and not accepting it, in fact not even knowing it is wrong. After we can love ourselves, only then we can love someone else !! And if we do not love ourselves, how will someone else love us? After this, you will be able to understand it better that, even if someone leaves you, they too love themselves the most and can choose the best for themselves which would not make you angry, broke or helpless anymore. You can then choose the right thing for you as well when you will understand this. You won’t ever get stuck with someone in a relationship which doesn’t keep you happy anymore, just because you do not want to hurt the other person because you believe that you love them whereas the truth is that you don’t even love yourself and can’t even choose what’s right for you, then how can you love someone else when you can’t even love yourself?

What do you think about love? Do my points force you to recheck your concepts? Or is there something that I missed to mention? I would love to read it in the comments. Thanks for reading. I wish it helps you 🙂


Himshweta is a writer, life coach & a stage performer. She writes poetries, articles, lyrics, dialogues, scripts, advertisements etc. Her writings have helped many people view life & the world from a different perspective which is not just positive but enlightening as well. What makes her writings different from everybody is that they hold a blend of philosophy, spirituality and psychology. _To book a life coaching session with Himshweta, fill this form :- https://forms.gle/pLAmxgLzjQpKcRyf8_

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